He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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