i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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