Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
