I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
