so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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