eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
