I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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