i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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