I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
