I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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