If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
high people should be assigned attendants
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
