My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
