THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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