at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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