then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize