After last night, I could never be a politician.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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