she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
