i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
