i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
