Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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