yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I wish you could order shots online.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
