she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
