Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
