On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
