Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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