For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
