there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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