All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Randomize
