Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
