why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
