I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
