There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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