six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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