It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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