i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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