hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
