I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
