Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
