His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
