That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
