she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
