Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
third nipple confirmed
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
