That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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