Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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