Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
