what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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