I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize