I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
