Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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