If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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