So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
