There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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