i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
