considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
