there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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