Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
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