Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
