how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
