Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
