ya dads aren't the best wingmen
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
