Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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