My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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