I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
