Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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