Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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