She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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