I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
