the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
