he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
